thrive

Not quite sure what happened this morning - maybe it was the sunshine or few more hours of sleep last night, but I have been in a great mood this morning. Funny thing, though, I just totally binged across 30 or so miles. Stopped and got coffee and scone, friend there gave me some of his hummus to sample and bread, then stopped by, get ready for this girls, TACO BELL, then went and got another scone. This was all morning as I was running errands and driving around (had to do a return at LLBean and it’s far out). How weird to binge in a good well rested mood. A happy binge if you will…Hmmm. Not sure what to do with that. Move on and cut it out! One good thing, oh no wait, two - only got small chips at the Bell instead of full nachos (and didn’t eat the cheese - so gross!) AND did not buy the cookie dough that was tempting me at Trader Joes. So a binge, but could have been worse.

Okay, sitting in car in front of house. One more errand to run before getting kiddo number 1 from school.

HUGS

AND

HUGE BIRTHDAY HUGS FOR KAMA!!!!!!!

For Grapefruits!!!!!!

I am not sure what happened, but suddenly I am a star crossed lover with grapefruits. I have NEVER craved fruit. I love vegetables and crave greens like spinach or salads but I just eat fruit. I do not crave fruit, ever, even fruit pies or bars or…you name it. I almost always have to convince myself to eat it, especially now that it is cold.  But, this love affair with grapefruits has happened and my husband even knows and sanctions it - so it’s all good

It all started Thanksgiving when our friend who hosted us packed up some fruit salad as part of the desserts for us to take home. My kiddos needed to go home so we left before dessert. Well, of course, I sampled all of the pies, but left the fruit salad in it’s little tupperware. The next day I put some of it on a green salad and it was delicious! There were pieces of grapefruit in it and the combo was just super tasty. Now, I should have told you all first that I have NEVER liked grapefruit before and I still didn’t know that I would fall so hard for it. This was the start of me putting more fruit on salads and making dressings that were light and citrusy. Still no grapefruit on it’s own.

Then, listening carefully to my body I noticed I was having a desire for grapefruit. I actually squelched that desire not wanting to buy one or the juice and then waste it by not eating it because why would I think i liked it. Nice way to make a decision, huh? Fail before trying - nice.

Anyway, a week later i bought a grapefruit (a first) to put in a fruit salad for a brunch we ended up never having. So, here in my house, has been this lone grapefruit. The other day I listened really closely and again I heard the call - I WANTED grapefruit. So I cut it in half and my son and I tried it. And, you know what? Well, you do know - I LOVED it. So strange. So that half we ate - my son liking the first few bites then getting turned off by the sourness. I couldn’t believe the juice in those things - wow!I saved the other half and even bought another one at the store yesterday - still just one at a time…

Last night I ate my big bowl of popcorn for snack and then something really and truly amazing happened - i started craving the grapefruit! FRUIT craving?!?!? at night!?!?!? Oh my! This was just the oddest thing ever!?!?! I can’t believe that my body might actually crave something healthy like that when I feel like snacking! I was over the moon!

Maybe that old grapfruit helped me with my loss this week - that and some other good choices with the eats - red pepper snacks, smaller dinners since I am eating a bit at night, finally some movement and walking, and, of course, paying attn to sleep - even if i’m not getting it - recognizing what i need in those moments - tea if i can’t have a nap. Feeling good today and on the right track. Moving slowly but happy about that as well. While I’d like to be 20 pounds lighter than I am already I am happy with 2! i can feel more steps forward than I feel backwards and that is good.

Had a half grapefruit for b-fast, will have the other half later today - yum yum!

thank you all for your support and kicks and understanding yesterday! I am here to say that the rest of the day was so different thanks to a timely babysitter and a nap for me and eli. I was a totally different person when I woke up - happy, satiated, calm, NICE. Before nap I was grumpy, munchy, unsatisfied, and well, tired. It is just amazing to me what a huge impact sleep and lack of sleep has on both my mood and my desire to eat/behave well. I need to keep remembering that. If i can’t make myslef eat well or exercise then i at least need to go to bed early or find a way to nap. Not all days is the nap possible, but i can go to sleep earlier.

Today was a lovely day, too, so far. Was able to get out and walk ALL morning long, plus eli and i met two friends for tea. Resisted my favorite scones in town there!

my recipe for a better mood is often food, but the real ingredients are:

sleep, friends, and outdoor exercise

hugs all around. here’s hoping i can dip below the last weigh in of 176 so that i can stay in the longest loser.

this seems to bethe ongoing reality. i am not making the necessary changes to lose weight. i just am not doing it consistently. i know that it is little steps. i even know the wteps to take. i believe i can do it. BUT i just can’t get myself to make the best choices or take the time to sleep or figure out how to get exercise in. I am lazy and stubborn about all that right now.

oh no, i don’t want to be fat. i refuse to buy bigger clothes and yet, i am not doing what it takes…

ARGH!!! so frustrated with myself!!!!!!!

I just signed up for an informational meeting for a Team-in Training Triathlon event. See, for the last few years I’ve really wanted to do a Triathlon. I will be turning 40 this year and am having the need to put a goal on myself for my 40th bday. That kind of thing is new to me - goals, care about aging, etc. I am excited and INCREDIBLY nervous because now I have told people I am doing it - it’s not just in my crazy little head…

okay, gotta go get the kiddo from school, will try and read up later. i’d like to write more, too, but i’ll leave you with this - i am about to throw away some more chocolate, fudge, and choc fortune cookies. None of them are too intersting to me but if they are hear I will eventually eat them.

Woo hoo! OMG - I am sooooooo anxoius (about the triathlon not the throwing away food!)

Here’s the event - the Hyannis Triathlon

http://www.teamintraining.org/ma/firsttimehere/teamintrainingevents/summerevents/

check this out - i was reading an article in Parent’s magazine about the sugar that kids eat on an average day. They followed this one family through the daily meals and then pointed out a very important bit of info. When you see grams of sugar on a nutrion label - read this - every 4g of sugar is one teaspoon - think about pouring 3 teaspoons of sugar on your kids cereal or waffles or whatever. Add to that a giant cup of juice or a chocolate milk a few times a day! Wowee! It’s every where. Take a look at your labels and watch out. Sugar definitely can take you on a ride…This morning I opted for a yogurt breakfast rather than cereal for the family - more protein and other nutriional value (calcium). Well, that stuff is also loaded with sugar. Now milk and fruit do have their own natural occuring sugar, which as I understand it is better than the refined stuff, plus you get the fiber in fruit, but oh my! Just paying more attention. I knew all of this but never looked as carefully at thenumbers as i will now.

Made some better choices this week. Not much exercise though, still working to plan that in. Last night was tough because friends brought a pecan pie over. That is my all time favorite pie and I can’t even remember wen I had some last. So i had a piece after dinner (ate a bit less dinner to have room), but then I had another piece. In cleaning the dishes I started snacking on the pie until finally I just threw it out so I wouldn’t eat the whole thing. Some things I just can’t have in the house!  At least not yet! I am okay with the one piece or maybe even two -but the noshing after that - it wasn’t just indulgent it was greedy.

Off to the Cape for the weekend with some friends, so had to use a weigh in from yesterday morning (didn’t weigh in this morning). Was down 2 - woo hoo!!

HAve a great weekend and Happy New Year!!!

Wow, that sounds a little harsh - the surrendering to my life part, huh? Really I’m just feeling the need to get Zen about my Life. I tend to live in the what ifs or the why nots or the that’s not fair or how i want it instead of living right smack where I actually am at the moment. I fight sleep to get “down time” when really I need to the sleep to make me a happier camper NOT the down time. I overeat as a reward, rebellion, passive-aggressive stance on myself - whatever - but not in my reality. I am not 16, i cannot eat whatever I want. I am not a marathoner or biker or swimmer that goes for 30 miles a day and can eat a ton. I may not have my shit together most of the time, or have a successful career at the moment or have the best sleepers and mellowist kids on the block BUT i do have the privilege of having disorganized shit, being a stay at home mom, and having two beautiful little boys who are the sweetest things ever. I may not be able to get to the gym whenever i want but I CAN choose to go and I CAN afford some childcare - I just need to do it. I need to accept where I am. It is all good. With my body, I need to accept that I am currently overweight. This is the truth. I need to see that my belly is falling further over my pants and that I can only wear 3 pairs of pants. If I want to change this it is withon my power. I just need to do it. The reality check must happen. I am sleep deprived, that is a reality, and that will be so until eli sleeps through the night therefore I will be tired this time of day. That is a reality. Eating cookies or dough will not make me less sleep deprived. But sleeping will. That is a reality. I have two small kids - that is a reality but I can also make time for myself. I need to stop fighting my own life and instead live the darn thing before it is gone. I am not sure if any of this is making sense, but i am hurrying (as always). This time I am hurrying so that I can go lay down for a quick nap while I have two sleepers. Yesterday I did take a nap and I was a whole different person in the afternoon - not ashamed or “hungover” from a sugar binge, not tired and grumpy, but happy and playful. I’d like to make some more of that rather than some more belly…

HAPPY NEW YEARS to you all!!!!

Make your dreams come true or at least step a little closer to them by acting in line with your truest desires.

I should have started with this, but let me end here with a big thank you to all of my great buddies here. You are all so wonderful. I would like to give some extra big hugs to Kama and Angela who lost family this year. To all my buds - take good care of yourselves - if you don’t no one will do it for you.

i did that part today. otherwise i busted into my pumpkin bread i made. i need to stop making the stuff - this was a really yummy batch. i LOVE roasting the pumpkin and making something out of it. yesterday i made pumpkin soup, pumpkin muffins, and pumpkin bread plus cranberry applesauce. i was in a cooking frenzy! we also had latkes for Hannukah last night. All that plus going out Saturday night and have a food fest when i got home. I am up today - oh yeah! Saturday night was really interesting…i wanted a bit of timeon my own to watch tv.eat something before bed. my wind down time that i haven’t changed yet. i was feeling really picky about the eats and decided that if i was going to eat i’d go for what my body really wanted rather than just graze b/c something would take too long. so i made a pizza bagel. i though, ok, i know this is a little elevated on the calories but that’s okay i am really listening to what i wanted in the moment, not binging, etc. Unfortunately, the bagel was wholly unsatisfying. I don’t know if it was the whole wheat bagel, the chucky vegetable sauce or the slightly cold cheese, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. i still ate it (of course). Here’s where it gets good -then i seet to grazing. after i had really tried to just do the one thing, i ended up in more of a binge mode…granola bars and almond butter…nothing hit the spot though so i did just stop. it was just so interesting.

then yesterday was all the baked goods and latkes or potato pancakes (once a year thing) so i will be up abit going it to this week. we will see where i start the longest loser on Saturday!

I am not giving up. Just noticing…

there are so many of us here, debbies, debras, debbis, debs, deborah, you name it and we gotcha covered!  it’s good to have all the debbies in full swing right now. we are all on this road together.

this little debbie here (and yes that was a nickname for me when i was a kid - the freckles, pigtails, and all made me look like her) is feeling really happy today. i was indeed down that other pound today. i had a feeling it would drop just a bit more. i am psyched about the momentum. i know, too, that it will last for sometime and that it will falter. at that point during my next wave of flailing we will see if i have what it takes - persistence and dedication. debbi wrote about that today. i see that in out champions here - lori, kama, wonder woman, nancy, anj, catrina (i am sure there are so many more) - they don’t give up, they stick to it EVEN when it’s tough and hard and bad. persistence is about just that, right?going on even when you want to quit. persistence is getting back up again and again and again. i thnk you need to believe that you can do it in order to persist. you have to know that it’s possible. well, let me tell you, it is. look at all of our great role models here. we can do this!!

come on all you buddies and all you debbies - let’s roll!!!

well, first, i have to go snow shovel we are so deep in snow here! later gators!

I am so excited. I lost a pound this week. I may make Saturday my weigh in and if I do, I’ll come back tomorrow and see if there is more of me gone. I made a few choices this week that helped me out. Namely, I let my peeps help me the last few days during my prone munching time. Being ready to change and having the support to do it sure make the road to success seem drivable. I have a little momentum going - zoom zoom!

Rather than just confessing my bad eats afterward, I wrote to some buddies before I did the deed and that stopped me. Really, I had to be ready to want to stop and I am, so I reached out for help. Luckily, I have you all!!!  For my changes, I will go for little bits at a time. A few days without giant binges is good for me. One step at time!

I am also finding that the little success motivates me for more, reminds me that i can do this, and gets me all pumped up. The other thing I constantly need to remember is that if I just get stuff done I will feel better and be less overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter which thing I do first, just do something on the list, otherwise i eat! So, the last two days I hossed it and did almost all of my holiday shopping and so much of it online here at home. Duh! Should have done that before…I even sent a friend a baby gift I’ve been wanting to send for months! woo hoo!

Allright-y y’all. Have a great weekend. There is a BIG SNOW that just arrived here. Did about 5 miles of walking this morning - shopping in the neighborhood plus kid to and from preschool. This afternoon maybe we will go sledding! Feeling good. Isn’t it funny how just one or two good days of eating and you can feel all good and thin even though my pants still don’t fit LOL!!??!!