It seems so stupid but i forgot that.  i remembered the feeling i had when losing - the confidence i gained, the fact that i knew i could do it after a while, but i forgot that beginning…or the middle when you kind of lose the momentum.

I was having some good losses a few weeks back but it wasn’t effort it was baby weight that was just going to come off no matter what. Now, i have to work for it. I have to want it. I have to make it happen.

This is really good for me to remember. I DID try and WORK hard and it did work. Okay, unfortunately i need to go so can’t read blogs now, will come back later!

also a little shout out to Tina who just made it to onderland and who is doing onederful. Hearing yesterday how she started to make changes has really made an impact on me. Thanks Tina!

what do you all think? do you have equipment at home and if so do you use it? Or is it better to keep the gym?

I do love goin got the gym, the classes, and i used the weights last year when i was rehabbing my back…also, the gym makes me get out of the house and get the childcare…but that costs more…

anyway, that’s what’s on my mind today.

Hope you’re enjoying Sunday! It’s COLDDDDDD here! Did go out for about a 45 minute walk. Brrrrrrrrrr!! Am going to the gym in a little but as well.

i did read this really interesting article in this months issue of Health Magazine. Basically there was a woman (a mom of a toddler) that was followed around by a diet “spy.” She helped track all the little bits of food that this woman put into her body everyday. Not the meals or the sit down snacks, but the lattes, the nibbles from the kid’s plate, licks from the frosting bowl, roll out of the grocery bag, too many handfuls of nuts while doing something else - that kind of thing.

Well, you know what? This woman ate about 1000 a day like this - and that’s not including her meals! Even just one extra 100 calorie item a day can add up to 10 pounds a year and look at all this.

I was shocked because in her i saw me!  I have been in the fram eof mind that this or that doesn’t really matter. I was using calorie counts in teh opposite way - oh that’s just 100 calories, no big deal. It’s how the credit card bills add up, too. You know the drill, you go to Target and buy a bunmch of 10-15 dollar things and suddenly your bill is over $100, but nothing was that much individually.

So I need to get back to budgeting my eats. I need to return to the knowledge that it all adds up. It all is about choices and trade offs. I don’t belive in denying foods but if i am always chosing to have waht i want. i am creating this big ole body…

food for thought, i tell ya.

and, just because i make it from scratch doesn’t mean it’s calorie free - that’s my newest thing - i make alot of my food from scratch and it’s filled with healthy and natural things BUT that doesn’t wipe away the butter and sugar addded to the freshly roasted pumpkin when i bake, the eggs and cheese in a beautiful kale quiche, or the olive oil to saute the garlic and onion for the squash and apple soup (my soups are usually pretty low in calories, actually)…you know what i mean? just cuz you make it doesn’t mean it doesn’t add up!

night night!

I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 20 minutes today! Doesn’t seem like much but I actually left both of my kids with a sitter and ran to the gym and back. That is HUGE for me! Felt really good. Took me forever to leave my first son with anyone other than the hubby or maybe family when they were in town visiting. i orchestrated the whole thing so that they were both sleeping - that never happens! I just did 20 minutes to start because that’s all my mom anxiety could stand! But, it is a first step. I also walked for an hour this morning. My eats have been not so great lately. Still in taht screw it attitude. Decided to go with one thing at a time - up the exercise if I’m going to eat like this i have to get to the gym. Will go again this weekend. Anyway, one step at a time worked last year, so I know i can do it this year! Will get over my WON’T do it attitude soon! Til then, 20 minutes is better than nothing!!!!!

Have a wonderful holiday!!!

a bit of a tangent there…

so, here are the things i won’t do:

set a goal

go to the gym

stop night snacking for good

stop the cookies here and there

stop the breads/muffins here or there

here is what i will do: let me try this

i already gave up dairy, coffee, chocolate, pnut butter for the last 2.5 weeks to see if it helped eli’s belly. i am slowly reintriducing them. i DID do this even though i resisted it. i have had tiny bits of eash (except coffee).

i still can’t type it…i won’t do it. therefore i won’t lose weight. hmm. i seem to be in a deadlock with myself…nice.

let’s see…

i WILL drink more water

i WILL walk everyday except Wednesday or if it is truly to cold to go out with the baby

i WILL go to the gym once a week

i WILL continue to snack at night while watching my portions. I think i need to start here.

I WILL have one cookie/muffin etc a day if I have walked and controlled my snacking the night before. maybe that is the way to go. i definitely can’t set myself up in the I CAN’T have something mode - it just won’t work for me especially right now when i am wanting ease and comfort from food.

long windy blog…

if you made it this far - thanks!

ps- email and boosters still crash me if i try and send them out - sorry!!! i can read anything. often i have the baby on my arm so typing is really hard. if ever you need me - please tell me!

a friend gave me some white bean dip this morning - it was so garlicky that i have wanted nothing but chocolate ever since. had a bite of a brownie from a friend but gave the rest away. am tired, too, that time of day. want cookie dough, but chose…drumroll please…

TEA!

woo hoo!

oh baby needs me -

later!

make those choices that give you what you truly want. it feels good!

speaking of time have to run and get A to school then pick up inlaws from airport.

will leave you with our great news - My hubby got spared this round of layoffs at his company. there will be more to come in january, but for now we are okay. can you say PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, hugs!!

i want to slow down. i love yoga and meditation retreats and places that ooze slowness and quiet and peace. perhaps because i am sooooo busy. i feel busy and yet i feel lazy as there are always so many things i am not doing. and i do spend time just sitting around as well - staring out the window - literally!

maybe that’s how the waiting comes into play. i ahve really been noticing my waiting for mentality lately. it’s always there, but right now it is laughable. i was having the “i’ll start eating better, sleeping more, and not watching as much nightly tv when i’m not so tired” - um - DUH??? first, that makes me tired, second i have kids - i’m going to be tired for awhile now so why wait? the waiting effects everything i do…oh, i’m feeling hurried so i’m losing my train of thought…

maybe i’ll just go pay the bills.

i am doing well with not randomly eating on my upset stomach (we all ahve a slight bug here). i tend to eat when i don’t feel well - even if it’s a tummy issue. so it feels good to make better choices for my bod. i will eat as i need to keep fueled for nursing, but i won’t eat to feel better. it doens’t work anyway

we all know it, right? if you stay up late you have more time to eat, it’s bad to eat too close to bedtime, if you are tired you will eat more the next day.

i just want to say that it is sooooooo true!

the nights that i get myself to go to sleep early, i lose weight. the reason for that is that i then don’t sit up and eat in front of the tv. the tough part for me is usually seeing going to sleep as something as desireable as staying up watching tv and eating. the last two nights i did. the first night was a beautiful moment of laying down with baby and loving that time with him versus time with the couch and tv. then last night, i really chose sleep over tv. it felt so good.

the irony is that both nights a layed down around 9, but the baby was a bit fussy and i was up till 11 anyway…and last night was a doozy of a sleep night. let’s hope the bigger kid naps today so i can nap. i chose that yesterday, too. napping over eating or being on the computer.

this is all helping make up for the weekend of gluttony. i am back on target and hope to pull a two pound loss this week just from this simple act. no other changes…well, i am getting lots of moment soothing the baby. last night i was up and down the stairs over and over and over again.

here’s to going to sleep!

i haven’t watched Biggest Loser this week, but last week i heard this line trhat really stuck with me: “To try is to give up with honor.” Therefore, don’t try just do it!