thrive

Okay, Anj wasn’t really with me but it was like she was!

You know what I decided as I was at minute two of my run?

I AM NOT A COUCH POTATO. I was doing the Couch to 5K run thing and I was going to follow it to a tee to prevent injury. Well, I decided that I had to see if I could go longer. I was checking in with my body and noticed that mainly my cardio was what was the challenge. I decided to keep going. And then I just kept going. It is a beautiful day here today - 50 degrees still here tonight. Snow and ice melting away but still there. Was able to run on most sidewalks. Whatever, not the point, the point is I DID IT!! I was so excited running, I was so happy, I broke down my own beliefs about myself, I opened a whole new realm of exercise. We will see how my bod feels tomorrow. Am icing my knee now. I have a potentially bad back. We shall see. I was not reckless, I did some stretches after as well as a cool down 5 minute walk (plus 5 min to start). I think I just realized that I am actually not a couch potato and that maybe I can actually run…

WOWEEEE!!!

I AM NOT A RUNNER might be a line of the past.

THANK YOU ANJ THANK YOU SO MUCH for being there and being the inspiration. I was just going to go for 18 when I just couldn’t stop, in fact I didn’t want to stop at 20 but that slight hill knocked some sense into me.

THANK YOU TO ALL MY BUDDIES especially my diet tribe (Kama, Nicole, Tracey, Anj, Nancy, Lori) who are so sweet with me even though I am barely able to be there for them. Thanks, too, to Jo - you were with me Cookie - Shanna, Jennifer, Lyssa, Angela, Tatiana, Tina, Jane, Debbi, Debra - OH my! - so many of you were there with me!!!I am forgetting too many people please don’t be offended - keep coming back to add peeps in and now it just seems silly - Please know that I think you all rock out!!!! Thanks to all my Wildcats, my former Diamond buds, and my Longest Loser pals!

I sound like I am giving a thank you speech - this feels that good and I am that grateful!

Ok need to shower now - in case you are wondering - yes I peed on myself again

Sleep deprivation kills me. I get depressed. I fall down. And then I am back up again. Here I am today feeling happy even though I am tired and fat. Yes, I said fat. Just went to try on clothes this morning at some stores for a party I’m going to Saturday night. Oh my, the rolls…UGH!

Last night, Sean tried to do the middle of the night. Didn’t really work but I did sleep downstairs from about 1:30-4, so that was a good stretch. We are working on helping Eli sleep longer bits. He used to do more, but recently we are in 2-3 hour land again and sometimes he just stays up for awhile. The cumulutive effect just finally kicked my butt yesterday. Cool thing that I relaized it so quickly. In the past I’d just hang out being depressed.

So, now we have to get the little bugger to eat more in the day. He eats more at night than in the day. I keep offering him milk during the day but he only eats if he’s hungry (wish i could learn that part )

Thanks for all the well wishes.

What’s that you say?

Me falling completely down.

I am tired. I am depressed. I am eating too much again.

That direct link of lack of sleep to eating has another direct link - to depression. Lack of sleep has got me on my face trying desperately to get back up again. Talked to hubby today and he will step in on the nights a bit more with eli. Also, just bought a new swaddle blanket. We went from okay sleep to horrible lately and my body and my emotions just aren’t dealing well.

Sorry to be a downer and not around to support you all so much. Am holding onto some hope that this will resolve soon. Good thing is - I recognize the depression now the second it tried to hit me. Still I am knocked down. I am going to that place of debbie = failure. BUT i know enough to call for help and am doing that.

ok gotta go!