thrive

i finally fixed my system issue - the one where i couldn’t send emails or boosters because it would crash. well, i think it was my overly full email box here. not that i’m popular, just lazy and had never deleted anything. i just spent all my free nap time deleting and it seems i can email again and boost and all!!! wowee!!!!

meanwhile is that how you spell genius?  i am a typo waiting to happen

howdy all!

well isn’t it a funny thing that as soon as i said i wouldn’t worry about the weight loss, i started eating better? it feel great! and you know what else? I went to the gym Fri, Sat, and Sun and today I even stretched here at home. I haven’t done that in months and it felt super!

I LOVED going to the gym again - I am so happy that I went and reminded myself how good it feels to be there and to power through on the elliptical. I am sore and, man, were my hamstrings tight this morning. Need to stretch more - will help keep my back stable, too, as I amp up the workouts. I will do weights next weekend. The Friday class is a weightlifting class for mom and their babies - so cute! This weekend I just did the elliptical.

Hubby has to travel quite a bit this week and there is no school Monday and we are going to the Nutcracker on Friday so I won’t be able to go to the gym much during the week. Oh bummer, I will have to miss that class on Friday …drat! Anyway, I will definitely go next Sat and Sun.

And, remember how all I wanted for my birthday and holidays was personal training? We didn’t do it because we are on a bit of a spending freeze with layoffs looming still. BUT, they do have group exercise classes - boot camps and on is 6am which i think we could pull off here at home. So i amy get to do that. We are also looking into getting a bike for home. I want it in the Living Room, hubby wants it in the Dining Room (aka the crap room). I say, if it’s not where I hang out at night I won’t use it. So, we are thinking about it. Either way we have decided that I will keep my membership - it’s the only me time out of the house I get.

Have a great night!

ps - downing 3 liters of water a day.

First, let me give you all a HUGE thank you for the support yesterday. I find that I need to write what I feel even if it changes quickly. I knew when I wrote that that I was not giving up, but I felt like it. I knew, though, that I was throwing in the towel around my food. I am watching myself around the eats and I see that I am in the deprived mode - clinging to my snacks and cookies and whatever I want. It’s like the last stand or something. Well, that really isn’t working so I just need to back off the idea of losing weight at all. For that reason, I am taking a break from the Wildcats. I need to ramp up more slowly. As Jo said, I need baby steps. So funny, too, I remember writing that very thing on her blogs a few months ago. It is how I succeeded before and it’s time again. I also started with exercise and physical activity plus water. Later, the snacks started to die down and then I attacked the night time eats. I feel like I want the weight to come off fast (1-2 pounds a week) but I’m not ready to do what it takes.

Will I just quit? NO!!

I will meet myself where I am. I will continue to increase time at the gym. I will continue to walk more. I will continue to drink 2-3 liters of water a day. I will continue to pay attention to my eating but I won’t change anything. I will go from here. I do not believe in the deprivation thing - it just sets me up for benders and I feel like I’ve been on one huge binge lately largely in response to this feeling of “i can’t have it.” that feeling hits when I am tired, over worked, stressed, etc. I am in that place now because although I am very happy, I am tired and am working hard at being a mom. I really am happy, though, but just worn out. When I feel like this it is extra difficult for me to go without that which feels comforting - it’s like i can’t take any more sacrifices and food falls into that category. So, for now, we will see what happens. Just writing this, I feel like it will start to change and I will be ready soon.

Stay tuned!

yep. that’s how i felt first thing this morning. it’s the first time i have felt that way since having eli and beginning to lose weight again.

i won’t give up, but i am feeling like i want to. just throw the towel in and be fat. have a gut that spills over my pants. never go shopping because things don’t fit. eat as much as i want because i just don’t care and i want to (that is coming out in a whiny kid voice, can you hear it?). i’m disappointed in myself.

i’m disappointed that i haven’t committed yet, that it is feeling really hard, that everyday something gets to me and then i get to the food. today, i didn’t even try…i went straight to buy some cookies after taking austin to school. whatever.

nice mood eh? inspiring, too, huh? UGH!!!

i’m just really sick of this stuff and failing at it. I like it better when I was succeeding. i am really surprised too because i really thought i’d make it happen and right now all i making happen is fat. i am good at that

again, the tiredness seems to be doing me in. tried to nap yesterday morning with eli but couldn’t fully sleep. i did take  it easy though and then yesterday ended up being a horrible afternoon…so go figure. we’re all fighting a bit of a cold here, too, so that is effecting moods. i am rambling…

i will say sorry to my team for posting a gain. sorry to all my buds for being so uninspiring.

here is what i am doing - will only put positives here:

walk at least 2 miles every day carrying 13 pound baby

drank 3 liters of water yesterday

i take my vitamin every day

i eat 2-4 servings of fruit and veggies a day

okay, whatever, what i need is a good swift kick in the ass. WHERE IS JILLIAN when you need her??? That’s what  i need. If you’re up for some kicking bring it! The sorrow ain’t gonna lose the weight…

that;s what came out of me when o tried to think of a title - a big ole deep sigh. i am sorry to say that i am not getting on board with my better self to better myself. i, instead, have spent the last two days snacking on cookie dough. today i threw it out (after eating over half the pack on the way home from store.) then i got home and threw the other 2 packs away, too. Yes, you read correctly, 3 packs in total. WAY INDULGENT! Clearly not working toward the weight loss goal. Thing is yesterday i almost wrote the blog - ” i have to lose 5 pounds by friday and i think i can do it.” i was feeling determined, energized, awakened again to the realities of what i need to do, inspired by my buddies, the whole thing and then the afternoon hits and i fall and fail and chow. today i started again very well and energized and motivated and eating well and walking ALL morning and then i chowed. The afternoons kill me. I am tired even though I am not losing too much sleep. It is better than it was when Austin was a baby and didn’t sleep so i think i am underestimating the sleep deficit. But by early afternoon I am a bit of a zombie and just a bit worn out. We are on teh move alot in the morning as well. By the way, can i tell you how cute this little snuggly button of a baby is? OMG SO CUTE!! But i digress…i am a mess in the eats department…I will keep trying./ Half a day of good eats is better than no part of the day

but i just remembered how hard it is to lose weight. you got your “No Duh” happening yet? Well, it finally dawned on me this morning that this is difficult and last year i worked hard to lose weight. You know what reminded me? My dutch oven - that heavy pot and lid we made tofurkey in this weekend. It wasn’t the tofurky but the pot - i used it last year as a weight to do Hot Rod challenges here at home. I also ran the stairs, did jumping jacks, watched what i ate, wrote down my water intake, went to the gym, lifted weights, etc, etc. I WORKED for it.

It seems so stupid but i forgot that.  i remembered the feeling i had when losing - the confidence i gained, the fact that i knew i could do it after a while, but i forgot that beginning…or the middle when you kind of lose the momentum.

I was having some good losses a few weeks back but it wasn’t effort it was baby weight that was just going to come off no matter what. Now, i have to work for it. I have to want it. I have to make it happen.

This is really good for me to remember. I DID try and WORK hard and it did work. Okay, unfortunately i need to go so can’t read blogs now, will come back later!

also a little shout out to Tina who just made it to onderland and who is doing onederful. Hearing yesterday how she started to make changes has really made an impact on me. Thanks Tina!