thrive

Wow, that sounds a little harsh - the surrendering to my life part, huh? Really I’m just feeling the need to get Zen about my Life. I tend to live in the what ifs or the why nots or the that’s not fair or how i want it instead of living right smack where I actually am at the moment. I fight sleep to get “down time” when really I need to the sleep to make me a happier camper NOT the down time. I overeat as a reward, rebellion, passive-aggressive stance on myself - whatever - but not in my reality. I am not 16, i cannot eat whatever I want. I am not a marathoner or biker or swimmer that goes for 30 miles a day and can eat a ton. I may not have my shit together most of the time, or have a successful career at the moment or have the best sleepers and mellowist kids on the block BUT i do have the privilege of having disorganized shit, being a stay at home mom, and having two beautiful little boys who are the sweetest things ever. I may not be able to get to the gym whenever i want but I CAN choose to go and I CAN afford some childcare - I just need to do it. I need to accept where I am. It is all good. With my body, I need to accept that I am currently overweight. This is the truth. I need to see that my belly is falling further over my pants and that I can only wear 3 pairs of pants. If I want to change this it is withon my power. I just need to do it. The reality check must happen. I am sleep deprived, that is a reality, and that will be so until eli sleeps through the night therefore I will be tired this time of day. That is a reality. Eating cookies or dough will not make me less sleep deprived. But sleeping will. That is a reality. I have two small kids - that is a reality but I can also make time for myself. I need to stop fighting my own life and instead live the darn thing before it is gone. I am not sure if any of this is making sense, but i am hurrying (as always). This time I am hurrying so that I can go lay down for a quick nap while I have two sleepers. Yesterday I did take a nap and I was a whole different person in the afternoon - not ashamed or “hungover” from a sugar binge, not tired and grumpy, but happy and playful. I’d like to make some more of that rather than some more belly…

HAPPY NEW YEARS to you all!!!!

Make your dreams come true or at least step a little closer to them by acting in line with your truest desires.

I should have started with this, but let me end here with a big thank you to all of my great buddies here. You are all so wonderful. I would like to give some extra big hugs to Kama and Angela who lost family this year. To all my buds - take good care of yourselves - if you don’t no one will do it for you.