My hubby and I were talking this morning about whether we should cancel our gym memberships and ust the money towards a piece of equipment for the house. Between the two of us our memberships cost over 1000 a year. With that we could buy an elliptical or exercise bike or treadmill couldn’t we? We would use that more than we go to the gym? Childcare is difficult for me and work/daddy-hood is hard for my hubby, but we have time at night. I can imagine exercising on a machine while i get my nightly fix of tv…

what do you all think? do you have equipment at home and if so do you use it? Or is it better to keep the gym?

I do love goin got the gym, the classes, and i used the weights last year when i was rehabbing my back…also, the gym makes me get out of the house and get the childcare…but that costs more…

anyway, that’s what’s on my mind today.

Hope you’re enjoying Sunday! It’s COLDDDDDD here! Did go out for about a 45 minute walk. Brrrrrrrrrr!! Am going to the gym in a little but as well.

the it being the mindset necessary to lose the weight i gained back when i got pregnant. i just can’t get over myself and my screw it attitude. can’t should say won’t - let me stay honest.

i did read this really interesting article in this months issue of Health Magazine. Basically there was a woman (a mom of a toddler) that was followed around by a diet “spy.” She helped track all the little bits of food that this woman put into her body everyday. Not the meals or the sit down snacks, but the lattes, the nibbles from the kid’s plate, licks from the frosting bowl, roll out of the grocery bag, too many handfuls of nuts while doing something else - that kind of thing.

Well, you know what? This woman ate about 1000 a day like this - and that’s not including her meals! Even just one extra 100 calorie item a day can add up to 10 pounds a year and look at all this.

I was shocked because in her i saw me!  I have been in the fram eof mind that this or that doesn’t really matter. I was using calorie counts in teh opposite way - oh that’s just 100 calories, no big deal. It’s how the credit card bills add up, too. You know the drill, you go to Target and buy a bunmch of 10-15 dollar things and suddenly your bill is over $100, but nothing was that much individually.

So I need to get back to budgeting my eats. I need to return to the knowledge that it all adds up. It all is about choices and trade offs. I don’t belive in denying foods but if i am always chosing to have waht i want. i am creating this big ole body…

food for thought, i tell ya.

and, just because i make it from scratch doesn’t mean it’s calorie free - that’s my newest thing - i make alot of my food from scratch and it’s filled with healthy and natural things BUT that doesn’t wipe away the butter and sugar addded to the freshly roasted pumpkin when i bake, the eggs and cheese in a beautiful kale quiche, or the olive oil to saute the garlic and onion for the squash and apple soup (my soups are usually pretty low in calories, actually)…you know what i mean? just cuz you make it doesn’t mean it doesn’t add up!

night night!

I did it!!!

I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 20 minutes today! Doesn’t seem like much but I actually left both of my kids with a sitter and ran to the gym and back. That is HUGE for me! Felt really good. Took me forever to leave my first son with anyone other than the hubby or maybe family when they were in town visiting. i orchestrated the whole thing so that they were both sleeping - that never happens! I just did 20 minutes to start because that’s all my mom anxiety could stand! But, it is a first step. I also walked for an hour this morning. My eats have been not so great lately. Still in taht screw it attitude. Decided to go with one thing at a time - up the exercise if I’m going to eat like this i have to get to the gym. Will go again this weekend. Anyway, one step at a time worked last year, so I know i can do it this year! Will get over my WON’T do it attitude soon! Til then, 20 minutes is better than nothing!!!!!

Have a wonderful holiday!!!

i almost wrote that i can’t, but that would be lying. I just won’t commit to what i need to do to make the weight come off. it’s no mystery for me what i need to do. i haven’t tried everything and failed, i’m just not trying consistently, and i’m incredibly resistant to do so. i don’t want to give up the cookies, the mussins, the snacks at night. i want to join the strong challenge, but i can’t even (WON’T) come up with something i intend to do…wow. good to recognize this stubborness i am having right now. things are well here with the two babes, but i guess i am having that i don’t want to give this or that up attitude because i am already doing alot of that which is totally good by me, but exhausting and taxing nonetheless. the food is returning to status of reward, soother, entitlement, the thing i get to do alone. i was thinking how people share their hobbies and interests with their kids. well, mine seems to be food…my son was even a chef for Halloween. i hope i havne’t handed down my eating struggles to him - i tried not to do that and it seems to have happenend anyway…is that just how parenting goes? we really have no control

a bit of a tangent there…

so, here are the things i won’t do:

set a goal

go to the gym

stop night snacking for good

stop the cookies here and there

stop the breads/muffins here or there

here is what i will do: let me try this

i already gave up dairy, coffee, chocolate, pnut butter for the last 2.5 weeks to see if it helped eli’s belly. i am slowly reintriducing them. i DID do this even though i resisted it. i have had tiny bits of eash (except coffee).

i still can’t type it…i won’t do it. therefore i won’t lose weight. hmm. i seem to be in a deadlock with myself…nice.

let’s see…

i WILL drink more water

i WILL walk everyday except Wednesday or if it is truly to cold to go out with the baby

i WILL go to the gym once a week

i WILL continue to snack at night while watching my portions. I think i need to start here.

I WILL have one cookie/muffin etc a day if I have walked and controlled my snacking the night before. maybe that is the way to go. i definitely can’t set myself up in the I CAN’T have something mode - it just won’t work for me especially right now when i am wanting ease and comfort from food.

long windy blog…

if you made it this far - thanks!

ps- email and boosters still crash me if i try and send them out - sorry!!! i can read anything. often i have the baby on my arm so typing is really hard. if ever you need me - please tell me!

am having tea.

a friend gave me some white bean dip this morning - it was so garlicky that i have wanted nothing but chocolate ever since. had a bite of a brownie from a friend but gave the rest away. am tired, too, that time of day. want cookie dough, but chose…drumroll please…

TEA!

woo hoo!

oh baby needs me -

later!

led me to success this week. i had a loss on the scale and most importantly a feeling of success. i chose not to snack last night, to walk for miles yesterday morning, and not to buy a hot drink/scone/cookie while i was out yesterday morning. i had the just for today mentality and it really helped me make the choices i needed to make in order to have a loss this week. i had been gaining the last two weeks. i rode the postnatal weight loss and then it stopped - i have to work at it more now and make the choices that will give me what i want. well, for this week i did it! i  can’t wait to get under 170…maybe next week or the week after? holidays are coming…

make those choices that give you what you truly want. it feels good!

but not in the good i’m losing way. in the oh no i’m not losing way. i’m letting my cat team down. i’m not focused right now, i’m not making the time for Bslim and i’m nopt eating within good limits. adjusting to life with two kids isn’t so hard except that it leaves so very little time for things like this. waah. i need my Bslim to keep going. I need also to decide it is time.

speaking of time have to run and get A to school then pick up inlaws from airport.

will leave you with our great news - My hubby got spared this round of layoffs at his company. there will be more to come in january, but for now we are okay. can you say PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay, hugs!!