thrive

hiya buddies!

i feel so big and pregnant now. the overeating is not helping the feeling big part. there is the baby and there is the extra fat. well, i’ve done ok so far and i keep struggling with that same issue of overeating, often to the point of binging, typically when i’m tired, want more support, or haven’t taken enough down time. the balance between good busy and over busy is one that i can’t seem to get right. all is good by me, but my stomach hurts today from eating too much this afternoon. as i was munching all i could think of was wanting two days alone to watch tv, sit around, read, etc. who gets that, right? so while i can and will try to find some more “me” moments, the reality is that life is busy and has things going on -you know, like baby number two coming so, how am i going to find a way to get this precious down time without stuffing my face with food and my mind with sitcoms.

there has got to be a way for me to change my thinking and my getting comforted by these things. cuz, now, even when i don’t need the down time, i have the habit of the actions so strongly instilled that i do it whether i’m in that space or not.

hmm, what to do.

will have some water, put up my poofy pregnant feet, and think about it.

as for tonight, i am off duty, although i may lay down and so night nights with the kiddo.

have a great one and give some love to my buddies angela, kama, and jane. you all take care of yourself. jane said marge was maybe sick recently, too, so send some love that way too!

‘hugs!

deb

been busy - heard that before, i know. been eating too much - heard that one before, too. been getting stuff done - WHAT did she say? Getting stuff done - NO WAY!!! Yep, it’s true, although the eating and exercise are not the greatest I feel really happy with how I’ve been totally rallying to get stuff done for the house and my son’s birthday. The long lists of to dos that usually leave me silly with overwhelm are instead getting addressed. While I have yet to address my eating at night and watching tv too late problem, tackling the overwhelm always helps. I feel really good about that. And, there have been many a night of going to bed earlier, eating less, etc.

Just stopping to notice the little steps when they come.

Gotta go, kiddo is wailing!

quitting on this journey?

i don’t know, but the way i have been eating lately feels like it. feels like the “i don’t cares” are winning out over the “i really do cares.”

i see myself doing that thing i get frustrated by in other people - doing the “i’ll start this tomorrow.” i get frustrated because i know it’s a cop out. at least for me it is. i know that when i am talking like that to myself that i am being dishonest. i am not living in this very moment when i actually could be.

my latest, is that i’ll start this in about 7 weeks. Yep, after i have the baby. Then i’ll restart the journey. If the journey were just about weigh loss that would make sense, but for me it’s not. That is part of the outcome, but the journey is about change. about living the life i want. being the person i want to be. i clearly am not ready to do that right now, but i just wonder why? am i quitting on myself? the waiting-for-the-right-time thing is back.

ugh.

the only right time is now. right time to exercise, eat, and sleep well. and to do those things in the face of moods, life, moves, babies, babysitters, travels, jobs, sickness, pregnancy etc. i say all of this and i do not promise to change anything. this is not the blog of a grand change happening. this is a blog about nothing changing. it’s about me waiting again. choosing behaviors that are not self supporting.

i will choose the way i want to be - but when? and, if i don’t then isn’t this the way i want to be? hmm, don’t think so and yet…

it’s all up to me…

you know the funny thing about this time - i really know i CAN do this. I can be healthy and thin and fit. I was well on my way just a few months ago. I am resting on some laurels i don’t really even have. I’d like to maintain the confidence in my ability to change while getting off the freaking i can do this whenever and it’s okay to wait mentality.

i should go to sleep, huh?  see y’all later!