thrive

Just my foot in my new splint and foam shoe! Woo hoo - loving the look! I think the nurse gave me a left boot for my right foot, too, so it really is quite a stunning look I am sporting here. And, man, oh man, is the plastic of the splint and the foam of the shoe hot. I feel like my foot is resting on a heating pad, but not in a good way…

So, yep, finally went to the doc. Went to Urgent Care this morning to see what they thought. The injury wasn’t getting better any more and was getting worse with activity. Didn’t do an x-ray as it seems like it’s just a sprained ligament not any kind of fracture. With the preggo belly we decided to opt for this treatment first and do x-ray later if it doens’t get better. The boot will help stabilize and I am taking the 3-day weekend to rest it as much as possible.

Today I feel good about the course of action. Last night, however, I was so bummed about the whole thing. The inactivity that this means, the loss of my last few weeks with just my son, the sitting around, the increase in responsibilities for my husband. You name it, I was bummed out by it. My eating has reflected that for sure. I am on the last few weeks of pregnancy and am having the following mindset: whatever. Not such a great way to go about eating. I continue to eat lots of healthful foods, but the extra food/crap is there as well. The inactivity just adds to the eating as well. Today, while I feel happier and more okay with all that’s happening I will eat a little better, but I just keep having this “whatever” it’s just a few more weeks and then I can get to the good eating again…Such a useless mentality but so where I am right now. I hate the living for the later, but I am so good at it…

Off to make some honeydew melon and cucumber soup. It’s super yummy, refreshing, and good for ya!

well, i definitely pushed the foot too far on Wednesday so yesterday it was very sore. Today i am going as easy as i can and staying off of it as much as possible. The eats are coming and going. Last night I actually went to bed before my husband and even before Obama spoke - we have been watching the Convention every night. I was trying hard to honor my sleepiness and you know what happened? First, I couldn’t fall asleep, then I did and woke up at 1:30. I was awake until about 4:30. I’m not too tired right now, but, come on, i was trying to be good and get in bed before 10. I did use the middle of the night to breathe, stretch, and just be quietly in the house and with the baby. As I near time for labor I am focusing on relaxation and letting go, especially of fear. These are some of my steps towards health. I also want my foot to be in as good of shape as possible so I am trying to let it heal by staying off, elevating it, and using ice. I think it will just take time. Patience I will need to have…that is a good goal.

I did treat myself to a massage today and have a few more scheduled before the baby comes. I decided that was what i really needed to help right now - some good nurturing. So we will splurge on a few.

have a great weekend all! remember to find ways to nurture yourself or have someone do it for you!

and the foot hurts but the spirit is good. there is such a line for me between falling into inactivity and giving myself the rest it needs. i am figuring it out, and tonight i will figure it out with an ice pack and an elevated foot. i did back off my standing yoga poses today when the foot said no more. i will tread more lightly tomorrow. Wednesdays are very active days for me and i hated to miss another.

in yoga i was really struck by this idea of self care and how, for me, self care feels like work or deprivation or just something else to be done. for some friends it is their priority - they wouldn’t think of doing anything other than what their body needed to feel better, be healthy, rest more, etc. so why don’t i feel like that? why don’t i truly want the health? why is self care a burden rather than just a part of my being?  why, if i want to feel better don’t i take the steps to make that happen? and, i’m not actually talking about my foot here. i am talking about so much more…that rebellious person inside me, that overburdened poor me woman, that i can’t be bothered soul, that too afraid to try kid…what IS THAT? And why would things like restful sleep, nourishing water and eats, and time for baths/showers feel like work?

that’s a little f-ed up, you know? working on that stuff, still…

well, the ole foot that made me scream yeeouch last week, got better then just kind of stopped getting better. so now i am in the it’s okay but not really okay place. i can walk without limping, yet i do feel pain. I can do my usual stuff with the pain, but i haven’t done too much exercise. and i really want to move - it’s beautiful walkiing weather and i have this free one month gym membeship i wanted to sign up for before the baby came so i could swim.

thing is, i need to stay off of it. And even if i nix the exercise, my job as a stay at home mom requires loads of  standing and walking . it’s not so bad that it forces me to just stay home with it propped up and iced like i did last wed and thurs.

so now what?

each day i end up resting it for about half the day and at night. feeling guilty right now for hubby doing the dishes while i type away. he does bedtime, too, so he’s been going all day…i know enough about injuries to know that i need to let it heal, but i can’t fathom days of complete inactivity. i want to go the farm tomorrow and to yoga. i wanted to go to the playground today and for that walk in the woods. i needed to go lunchbox shopping with my kid and to cook 3 meals today and to tidy the house. i can’t just sit all day ignoring the laundry and dishes and smelly basement that needs repacking…and yet i kind of do. i do some things, but not all. ugh!

so, i guess the healing will be slower. i’ll have all that time to rest in about 4 weeks when the baby comes LOL LOL LOL.

hmmm. there’s that balance and take care of yourself thing again…what to do?!?!

frigging FUNNY!

Thanks for the dedication blog! Now I have to say that just gave me such a huge chuckle cuz there it was right when i logged in! Brightened my day after hanging out with the Basement Solutions sales guy for the last hour hearing about all the systems i just “have to have” for my basement. He showed me products like 5 times for finishing a basement even though i said repeatedly that we weren’t finishing the basement. We just want a sump pump and dehumidifier. I had to repeat that about 7 times. Now, I’m thinking of having it tatooed on my forhead for the next estimate.

ugh, what a fun way to spend the precious kiddo nap time.

The good thing, though, is all this kept me from chowing hard which i usually do during the naps. So, i will be happy for basement joe. And, if anyone has any questions about wet basements, you just let me know!

Unfortunately my foot is still sore so not too much exedrcise for me these last couple of days…bummah!! I really miss the long walks and the yoga. Soon it will be all good. I probably was on it too much on Saturday and even took a walk that night.

Later gators!

BTE, what do you all think about putting a pool in the basement - just go with the flow as it were. Can you imagine if i asked him that - HA HA HA HA Now i’m cracking myself up!

Oh my! Well, I took a nap yesterday in the name of rest for me and the baby. It seemed last night that I would still be able to sleep at a reasonable time as I was yawning. But, nope, lots of ice cream and bread and cheese and I was up till 1 am. Now today I am so beat. My allergies are kicking in as well and they make me tired, too. My injured foot was better yesterday but a little too sore today for exercise so I’m taking it easy.

Can I just say that all i want when I’m tired is food and drink - caffeine, lemonade… I had an ince coffee this morning that was half decaf half regular. Now I may go make some tea or some lemonade. I’m afraid to nap as I really want to sleep tonight. When I get this tired, though, I can be like a cranky baby and fight the sleep I need, keeping the cycle of unrest going. And, when I don’t sleep I EAT! Also, my mood took a nosedive today. I was really sad midday. Today, though, I called a few friends and that was fun. Perked my mood and my energy up without the use of food! Need to do that more. When I’, tired I don’t feel like talking, but it always gets me amped up.

All right then, off to get a cold beverage - did i mention that i am in love with ice this summer?

Here’s to sleeping tonight!

i, of course, picked the best pic of the bunch. full frontal shows more of the big face, legs and armsso i’m saving that for me

well, the numbers keep going up as is supposed to happen in pregnancy, but i am getting close to 200. I was originally hoping to just go back to my first weigh in here at 175, that would have been a lower gain of just 17- 18 pounds. Well, now that i am clocking in at 194 or so, that clearly is not happening.

I imagined myself pregnant and still doing the elliptical at the gym, still taking long walks, swimming regularly. Not sure how all that didn’t happen, but it didn’t and I am near the end. The hot weather definitely curbed the long walks, the beginning shortness of breath de-railed the elliptical, and me getting sick from the pool made me not want to swim. I have been doing yoga and walking some. I have been eating ALOT. Much more than needed.

Now I am in the “oh well, it’s only a few more weeks” mentality. That just adds the pounds on for no reason. My babe is healthy and happy in there, although the may be getting too much chocolate and sugar. I worry about instilling a sense of snackiness and sugar loving into the child. Hopefully my love of vegetables shines through as well.

I continue to strive towards balance. I want to take these last few weeks and put into practice some habits i can fall back onto when true sleep deprivation and total mothering sets in. I’d like to meditate daily, get to the pool, and be okay going to sleep at 9 or 10. I am still fighting myself on some of these things. I’d like the battle to stop. I need to make that happen, but i am not sure that i will. I am trying to figure out how to get myself going. What are the little steps i need to take?

Last week it was about water, calcium, and getting to bed by 10:30. I have done pretty well on those. I will add in going to get the free month gym membership started so i can use the pool. I will add meditate twice this week. That’s not too much, i should be able to start that.

well, it’s super early in the morning here - really middle of the night or dark o’clock as we call it around here. Just couldn’t sleep any more so decided to get up. Found that this is where i came to first.

Mind been a buzz with the place and the people.

I just took a step away from one team to join another and I feel guilty while also knowing it is what i need.

This seems to be the life of a woman.

Taking care of one’s self leaves someone else not cared for. Or something like that. I always see Buddy Slim as this little universe where my inner and outer struggles come to life in a very focussed and sharp way. I notice my social tendencies, my desires to be supportive, my overwhelm and flee response, my start something and then stop patterns, it’s all right here in black and white. How I handle change, conflict, connection - all right here. You all are an important part of my life. As with everything, my time is limited and i feel the need to prioritize how i am here. This is acutally a skill i have been building since joining BS. Learning how to make choices, prioritize what’s important to me, recognize my strengths and limits, and do what i need to do to take care of myself while i try to be a good person.

With all that being said, a few things have recently happened here for me in addition to and not really related to leaving my team.

I’m sorry to the toes that i now step on here, but i feel the great need to be honest. I have felt guilty about not giving enough to buddies who really want alot of feedback and support. At the same time, I have felt pushed away by those demands and the increasingly religious nature of them. I am all for anyone bringing their values and religious beliefs to the forum. People should feel free to do and talk as works for them. I think the prayers and support that happens around here is amazing and tremendous and I wouldn’t change that for the world. But, I just feel a little alienated and put off by the preaching of how people should be and how Christians are. I feel myself nervous to write this and nervous to declare that we are not all Christians and yet we are all good people - or I know I am. It’s all gotten to be a bit too much for me. And, i noticed that I backed off the site as this started increasing.

I am not about censoring anyone or leaving religious beliefs out of the mix - i feel that if it works for you then that is what matters. BS has taught me alot about prayers and beliefs. I just ask that you all remember that we all come from different points of view and that should be ok.We also all come from different places around time.

Some of us can be here more than others and it fluctuates greatly. We all have varying needs around connection and friendship and support. I really like when all the differences are supported rather than criticized. We also all may not find what we need here at Buddy Slim and that, too, needs to be okay. I dunno, i just think we all need to be given a break - we have come here for various reasons but mainly with a similar goal - towards health. In that, guilt and demands just don’t feel so healthy to me.

Clearly I am going in some sort of circle here. Perhaps I will just shut my mouth - I’ve been practicing that very thing, but it finally got to me. I need to be honest and true and hopefully gentle and respectful. This is a miraculous place and I’d like to see it stay that way.

I hope this makes some sort of sense. I appreciate you all so very much!

Nope, not going into labor, although maybe i should have reserved the capital letters for that. Just stepped off the curb funny and twisted my ankle today - darn it if that doesn’t hurt like hell! It stopped me in my tracks for a minute then i kept moving hoping to walk it off, Olympic style. Well, made it to the dry cleaners and then the pain came right on back. Stopping not such a good idea…hobbled my dog and kid in stroller home to my ice, ice baby.

I’m pretty bummed because it’s a beautiful sunny and mild day and we were supposed to go out to the farm to pic veggies, have a picnic, and wander about. Later today is yoga, too. Looks like I’ll miss all that and instead hang out at home with the ole foot propped up and ice on it every hour…

life could certainly be worse, so i’m actually not complaining too much (just a little ). we do love our new home and it’s a good place for the lil one to play, play, play, so being home is good too! i may even pay the bills!

drank my water yesterday, took my calcium, and was in bed by 10:30! WOO HOO!

you all have a good one!

sleep and the water. and i guess about the poop - getting your calcium (thanks isabelle )

for me, i feel like i’m waiting for that mental click to happen where i’m ready to go for changing these bad habits that keep me pudgy and can make me unhappy. The click isn’t quite happening - sometimes i get so deep in the patterns of overeating and not sleeping that i don’t know if the click could happen even if i was ready for it. So, for now, i will start small. That always is a good place to start and I always seem to forget that. Start small, start attainable.

Here it is:

Watch that daily water intake and get my 8-12 glasses in.

Sleep when I can instead of fighting it in order to “have fun.” that’s such a joke. My sleep is troubled a bit now by the pregnancy, so it’s imp’t that i take opportunities to nap or go to bed early when i can. also, it is the best step towards healthy eating and healthy mental state.  So, sleep by 10:30.

Take my calcium chew daily.

Blog more again. that always really helped.

Take care of yourselves out there buddies!