thrive

Hi buddies,

just a quick blog to tell you hello! we’re on vacation here a the beach having a lovely time! lots of running on the and, digging, playing soccer, walks out in the water, and some swimming. Maybe it’ll be enough to balance out the fried food. what is it about beaches and fried food? so odd! why eat all that fried food the week your in a bathing suit? we bought a bunch of groceries today so we could cook more here at the house. Speaking of bathing suits, though, i am prancing my big pregnant body in bikinis and tankinis even around my skinny friends. I’m going for the - look how active she is running around the beach and swimming even though she’s a “big girl” or look how cute that pregnant belly is - hoping the eyes are distracted from the big ole legs! it feels good to be free!! either way, i wouldn’t let any size body keep me from the water or the fun of the beach!

ok, you all have a good one! take care!

is that how that song goes??? i can’t quite remember and i know everyone younger than me just realized how OLD i really am!

Thanks for all the Sugar reader and commentors yesterday. I tell ya, that stuff is fierce if you let yourself get too close to it. No worries, I am done with that level of sugar ingestion, it was just so obvious and odd and finally all that addiction/withdrawal stuff made sense to me on the physical level. i am glad to be done with that craziness! Will I still crave sweet things, of course and that is fine with me, but I’m not going to let the constant input of sugar leave me depending on it again!!! YUCKO!!!

In other news, my husband turned off the TV last night. What?!?!? Now, it was 10 pm and I had walked away to check in here and to go potty, but I was going abck for more. I mean those sitcom reruns aren’t going to watch themselves are they? If it’s not me, then who will curl up on the couch with all that food for an extra hour before bed time??? Seem like no one and what a good thing that was!!!

I didn’t turn the TV back on even though i had planned my extra TV alone time. The time I eat the most. Having to turn the TV back on was such a statement that I wanted to binge and checkout and do this destructive thing that I just couldn’t do it. So, you know what, I didn’t - I went to sleep and read some funnies.

Then this morning I woke up at 4:45 resettled my son who had woken and then couldn’t go back to sleep. But, I wasn’t tired. I had Angela and Kama running through my head this morning. I knew that they would be up at 4:30 doing there workouts and spiritual practices. I had this epiphany that if you rally want something you make it happen. You get up at 4:30 when your work schedule changes or when your life is crazy because it is important to you to get the exercise in. You keep at it because you want it and need it. You don’t just use life happening as an excuse.
And, so, I channeled my inner Angela and  Kama and got my ass out of bed. Instead of turning the computer on, I sat and meditated for 15-20 minutes. Then i put in that prenatal yoga video for 60 minutes. Then I walked the dog briskly for 30 minutes all before 7 and all before my son got up. My husband actually got ready for work while I was gone instead of waiting for the child to awake which we normally would do. We were all happy. Now, Austin slept a little later today than usual, but either way the mornings are possible. This may just have to become my “me” time.

The kicker was - I was so damn happy all morning!!!! That was just great!!!! WOO HOO!!! Now, I could use a nap Or maybe I’ll just turn the TV off at 10 again tonight!

and I don’t mean my sweetheart, i mean SUGAR!!!!

WOWEE! I had this really strong experience of that sugar withdrawal thing that people talk about all the time. See, I normally eat a little sugar here and there, but no so much. I do love my carbs, but except for pasta I go whole grain. I’ve never had a huge sweet tooth per se. I do like cookies, cakes, and all that and can even want or crave those, but this was different. I was deranged for sugar yesterday.

Let me back up…

I have been in an awful binge-y eating place for about 2 weeks now. There are days or parts of days that are okay, but for the most part I am having at least one pretty significant binge each day. These binges have been cookie dough, pnut butter, whatever snack food is around, ice cream, you name it.

Yes, I am pregnant.

No, this is not why.

I have been stressed, overwhelmed, tired, alone, sick etc. All of my triggers.

So, what then happened was just amazing to me. This last round of bad eating has been so sweets focussed from the eats to the lemonade or sweet teas that yesterday or day before I had this SUPER clear craving for Sugar. The white stuff. Just about wanted to pour it down my throat in any form possible. It was wild. I had never had that before. I have heard of that, but I guess I just never had eaten that much sugar to warrant withdrawals like that. I was dreaming of the stuff, of cookie dough, sweeting my cereal, lemonade at all times of day, of sweet anything, of pasta with pasta and more pasta or bread and more bread. It was just so obvious and so incredibly amazing that it rocked me just enough to get back to my senses.

I am not a no carb person and never will be. As a vegetarian it doesn’t make sense to me, also, I don’t do deprivation as I don’t beleive in it for me. Normally, I do eat a fair amount of carbs and could probably stand to cut down, but when I’ve done carb detoxes it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t seem to have that sugar addict thing. Well, this week I started to feel it and know it like some others have experienced it. WILD. NOT an addiction I’m interested in and a nice good kick in the pants.

Did I still have a scone today? Yes. Did I eat anything else sugary today? NO! My teeth and my gut couldn’t even imagine it. I may have a splash of lemonade in my fizzy water tonight, but that’s about it.

Also, last night I finally didn’t binge or stay up late with the TV and I felt 200% better today. Sleep is my friend, I need to keep her nearby while i can.

Anyway, watch out for that white stuff - sugar - it really is addictive!!!!

Hmmm…I wrote to my teammates that i was going to do a prenatal video about 30-45 minutes ago and yet here i am STILL. What’s up with that? I have been getting some other “work” done - calling contractors and preschools and sending emails about plumbers and such, but really what am i still doing sitting here? I know my son will be up from nap about the time I pop in the video at this point and yet I couldn’t get myself up.

Had a great weekend but it was full and these allergies were busy settling into my throat and chest and now I’m tired. I’m full from eating too much, too. It’s really not going so well on that front. I’m hesitant to report too much because I do think there is an effect on others. If you see me slide then it’s okay to slide or something like that. Not that I’m all that (he he he) but really seeing anyone slide is so comfortable, so permissive, so understanding of the situation as to say it’s okay to sit on your ass and not do your exercise just because she isn’t either. I just would rather motivate by example not demotivate by example

Hmmm. Soundy grumpy aren’t i? Tired will do that to me!

I have gotten about a zillion calls in today and I am managing my house-buying anxiety much better than I was over the weekend. It finally hit me - the overwhelm about the money, the to do lists, and the timing. So a little sleeplessness over the weekend and some staying up late overeating. Old habits do die hard.

Woke up and got things done today and that certainly helps. Guess I just need to keep doing that - the house could use a pick up, so that may be what happens with the rest of the day. I will see if I can make it to a 6:30 yoga class tonight - Husband usually gets home from work at 6 so it’s close. Also, his stomach is wracked from yesterday - sent him to see the new Indiana Jones movie with 2 other Dad friends. This theather had beer, so he had some of those with the popcorn. Then we met at a pub (another beer down) while we waited for our table at the BBQ joint. He had this gigantic pile of meat with all sorts of spicy sauces and some more beer. So he is just a stomach mess today from all the celebrating of Father’s Day! He had fun but, poor guy and poor gut - not used to so much meat or beer!  So if he’s still hurting in the belly or home late I won’t be able to make it tonight.

I am excited about discovering these other yoga classes at this Maternity store/studio, though. They are free because of my Fitness Club membership which is a good thing b/c otherwise they are 22$ each and I would’ve never gone!

So ramble-y. so sorry!

You all have a great day!

I’m all that. I’m all that. I AM ALL THAT!!!!!! Thanks to poet Linda for this challenge. I didn’t even see that part of the booster until I started reading Nana Linda’s blog about this very thing - then onto Poet Linda and Wow, now it’s every where! I am all that and a hill of beans?! A bag of chips? I dunno It’s nice to claim me and just to feel all that.

And, that leads me straight to Dawn and her challenge of a change I noticed. I noticed that I AM ALL THAT! Seriously, I have lost weight here (and gained most of it back for my baby). But what I have gained mostly is a stronger sense of myself, a belief in myself, and a feeling of goodwill for myself all of which were previously lacking. I learned that I could do ANYTHING i steadily tried at - even things that have always seemed impossible. I learned that people like me - crazy and vulnerable and moody and all. I’ve learned that it’s okay to mess up and that it’s even better to get back up again. I’ve learned about my own cycle of feeling good, getting engaged with people and life, getting too busy, getting overwhelmed, getting coo-coo, and then getting happy all over again. I haven’t changed this one as much as just accepted it! Perhaps that’s the biggest change - accepting myself, limitations and all, but not giving up on myself. Just because I accept doesn’t mean I have to stay still in this place I am now. I can change my life - in fact only I can do that.

Dawn and Linda - I’ve told you both how happy I am that you all are here at BSlim. Thanks again. Both of you have such great and positive energy and excitement for the people here. for your own lives, and for the challenges we face. I thank you for being great buddies!!

but it really just feels like FRIDAY!!!! WOOHOO!!!

I know I’m a stayat home mom, but the weekends are nice for me, too. Dad takes on the kiddo a bit more and Mama here gets to go to yoga!!!

Today was a nice day so far without plans. We moved at a slower pace which all my boys like (dog and kid) and then we even took the train into Boston to meet the other man (hubby) for lunch. I have to say I goofed on my own challenge to the Diamonds and had bread and rice with my Indian food - I totally forgot about the no simple card challenge until i sat down to eat. Given our new budget this meal wasn’t going to get replaced and I was starving! I ate all the naan bread but not much rice and all the spinach and about 1/3 of the chole (chickpeas with tomatoes)  So not as bad as it could be

Now that we made it home, I am hot and sleepy…Time for some rest for this pregnant gal while the little one naps.

Have a great weekend!!!

It is amazing how even though I chose to keep tha bad eats and late night tv last night, i feel lighter this morning. Having written about what was going on and talking with my husband last night i didn’t go as overboard as i could have and i knew that i was ready to take myself seriously again. My biggest challenge is to keep the self care up when i go into care-for-others 24/7 mode. How do i keep caring for myself in those ways that actually feel good? And, will i need the one night of tv/eats a  week so that i don’t go into deprivation-binge mode - maybe. I feel VERY happy today, and lighter and  freer. My lil one is so healthy and energized again, too, it is very exciting!

As always, can’t say enough about how much you all ROCK!! thanks for the support and the nudges towards health!

By the way, my ticker is just about accurate, i change it on Saturdays usually- i think this week I’ll be up another pound. I had hoped to gain only my 18 lost back, but for my size any where between 15-30 pounds is good. We’ll see how i do! The midwives saw me this week and didn’t say anything about my gain - not too much or too little so I think I’m all good here at 25 weeks having gained 13 pounds.

oh no!!! so first of all here’s the warning - this is a long one i bet…

well, time for a confessional from me and an OH NO!!! I am really concerned about my ability to get back on the healthy and wise and sane and good for me choices i was making back when i was losing weight. you all know i’m pregnant, so i can’t lose weight now and in fact i am gaining as the babe and i need. that is all good by me. what is not, is that i just keep letting those old patterns of binging, sneaking cookie dough, snacking in front of the tv get me. they especially get me when i am tired or stressed or when my son is sick and i’m at home for days on end being a caregiver with little other input or output.

so as i was noshing way to late last night and getting a grip i thought - OH NO!!! i kept imagining i would get right back to it when the baby comes, but, hmm, let’s see, baby means no sleep, extra stress, more caregiving without going out as much, plus the move, etc…and, historically, i lost my baby weight and then gained it all back with eating well after the baby had come.

now, let me assure you - I AM SO EXCITED about this little one to come!! I do love to be a stay at home mom and feel lucky about that! And, i will not do any dieting, etc while i am pregnant or even nursing initially. Baby’s health will come first.

BUT, i am in trouble if i don’t get a handle on these reactions to stress, fatigue, and that cooped-up feeling i get after a few days of being inside.

Stress and fatigue are a part of my life right now and my life to come for at least a year. I do pretty well these days during the day (who am i kidding, i just ate the leftover cookie dough). Ok, i do pretty well most of the day and then am in let loose mode at night. Also, when the lil one is sick my exercise goes b/c i can’t get out as much.  Otherwise I do ok on the exercise - not great, but ok.

I just see the trajectory - if i keep using these ways of eating as my stress, tired, lonely for adults outlet then i won’t succeed in the ways i was before. I remember that I can do this. I did for about 4 months. It wasn’t all smooth - there were certainly bumps, and i am okay with that. I loved the feeling of seeing myself change my life. Now, i see myself changing my pants’ size.

This is not just a hormonal thing. I am not upset at all. Just being realistic and attempting to shake myself out of denial and back into action…

hmm, gotta do it, but not sure i’m ready to let go of the comfort eats - ugh!!! i lived in this place for so long and was so glad to see it going bye bye…bummer that it is back…the clinging to the perceived comfort of food and tv…

this will help i am sure. writing really has. i am committed to my exercise forum again.  i will start small like i did before. i am happy about so many ways that i eat and move. i want to get rid of those pieces that don’t fit and don’t match who i am. i want the laziness to go away and the energy to return! i just got a flash of our old buddy chai and her love of caffeine. i don’t drink much now that i’mpregnant, but a cup of tea may be just what i need!

okay, thanks for listening!!!!

ps - i’m 6 months now and due in September! We are closing on our house in two weeks! So loads of things are good! And, Austin has been fever free all day long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is on the mend!!!!

Yes, my mood is a bit surly, but really this is about what to eat, especially if it’s hot where you are like it is here! We are also in the land of no A/C….

First let me just say that making dinner last night instead of getting take out was the first feat. I was so done by 6pm, hot, sick kid who was getting grumpy, trip to pharmacy at 5:30, etc BUT i did it. I made dinner. Because of this house we are buying we need to be on a super tight budget and we spend alot of money on eating out…gotta nip that. So here’s how I did it last night. Those of you who have read things i eat before know that i am kind of a rambling cook, just like my writing. I grab what is around and see how it turns out. Last night was a winner!

TACO SALAD!

Open and warm can of fat free refried beans (mine were Whole Foods brand made with a little chili and lime)

Wash lettuce or use bag

Shred carrots, chop some red peppers, and some cheddar cheese (we didn’t have much which turned out just fine)

slightly sautee some chopped zucchini in canola spray and salt

defrost a little frozen corn

grab whatever it is you have around.

we had some leftover wild/brown rice, so i threw that in cold.

pop open a jar of good salsa - i am in love with the Frontera brand salsas and anything with roasted tomotoes.

You can make it a salad bar or dish out into bowls the lettuce with beans in center, rice and zucchini sprinkled on top. Then let everyone add in as desired.

Oh yes and warm 1 blue corn taco shell or have a few chips (don’t need more than 6-7 chips for crunch).

Add the salsa on top and eat - so yummy!!!!

Usually I make guacamole or at least have avocado, but we had none. You can really add or subtract or swap here. Some lean ground meat i guess would be good.

so eat this, would ya?

I don’t know about you, but it’s always a weird feeling to me when I don’t see a blog or a post in the forum yet from Kama. You sleep in today, girl? Or maybe you’re working the long day today! No guilt trips here, just wanted to let you know I look forward to what you have to say and do.
I always like to see what Kama is up to cuz she’s pretty much my hero. I know that she’s blushing right now, if she’s reading it, but I don’t care (tee hee). I got the sweetest compliment today from another buddy who is pretty much the bomb !!!! (Anj - luv u!) and I realized that alot of what she said I do, I learned from watching my buddy, here, Kama. The way Kama always writes you back, the way she cheers everyone on, the way she is funny and serious about this all at the same time. The way she is so completely dedicated and just keeps on going through it all - makes it look easy even though we all know it isn’t. So thanks to Kama and thanks to Anj!

Anyway, all this got me looking for Kama and was just wondering where you are today?!

Big hugs!!!