i feel like i’m falling apart…
my body that is. my mind and heart and soul are in a pretty good place right now. stretching this morning helped. i want to get back into that routine. someone want to bust my chops on that one? I HAVE TO STRETCH.
so here’s the deal. i’ve got 2 bulging discs plus some stenosis (narrowing of the spine). These lovely bulgers lead to sciatica, numbness, tingling, excrutiating pain, inability to walk, all sorts of fun things.For the last few years, it’s been very contained - really since 2002 after 2 years of intense attempts at Phys Therapy, Personal Training, Pilates, Massage, Accupuncture, Chiropractors, you name it - I tried it.
In the end, 3 things helped: 1. pilates (core recognition and stability building with a few wonderful teachers) 2. personal training (building strength with someone as stubborn as me) 3. having these 2 trainers believe that i would be ok again and never giving up on me.
See, the Spine doc said it would only get worse, but hey you can swim. These trainers, though, said we believe you can do this. And, you know what? They were right. Still, at the time I wasn’t great about exercising on my own, stretching, or just generally taking care of myself. But, a year later I was taking aerobics, continuing to hike, doing group pilates classes, all sorts of stuff. I was strong and fit and my back was stable. I had some leftover numbness, but otherwise pretty good. I also knew how to manage flare ups. My other bad habits were still there, though.
Ok, so that’s the history. Well this past summer I had an “episode” for the first time in years - a big one. The back went out, the pain was severe, and when it subsided the tingling remained. So, I went to a Spine Specialist here in MA, went to Physical therpay and started again. This time, the PT REALLY effected me. This is what helped me really change my exercise habits so that on my own I do it. This is what led to changing my eating habits. This is what led me here. This is what led me to some confidence in myself. This was phenomenal! My back has been realtively stable as well.
Lately, I have had some more tingling as well as a bit of bladder issues, let’s say. No pain really, though, so don’t fret for me on that. Well, a new specialist and Physical Therapist later, I hear that my pelvic floor muscles are all out of whack and I need PT for that now. And, of course, to address my back problems again as well.
I just feel like it’s never ending. Something is always hurting or too tight or bulging or just wrong in my body. I am always not doing enough, doing the wrong things, or f__king myself up. I felt like this was getting better and now I just feel like sh*t that i have to go to PT for my Kegels for goodness sake. yes, this may be overshare, but I’m sorry I gotta talk about it.
I did start stretching in general again today, I did do my 24 hour wee log for the doctor yesterday (man, do i drink alot of water), i’m now sitting on my exercise ball instead of my desk chair as i know that sitting messes my back up. I’m making some changes, I’m trying to remember not to give up. I’m embracing this more current me that feels like I haven’t worked out if I’ve only walked 3 miles today. But, still, darnit, I have enough doctor’s appts as it is, I have no childcare really and now i gotta go to pelvic floor PT. UGH!!!!! On top of that I’ve been tired, queasy, had a cold, had a kid with 2 colds, and a stomach thing all since the start of the year. Oh, and my husband threw his back out the other day. I just want to be well and healthy and feel good!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my family, too!
I’m trying not to have a pity party, but I do feel the emotions surging, so may be best to have a cry and then start again…
I will not give up! I will remain grateful for our general good health and good fortune! I will keep going!
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You poor thing…giving you the biggest “feel better hug ever”. That really sucks, backaches in general are painful but you’ve got it everywhere. Wish I could take the pain away for you, life can seem so unfair somedays.
I’ll be praying this PT will have the magic cure and help you back to 100% health. I’ve always seen a strong and motivated “you” debbie..don’t give up, and its ok to come here and vent. We are your friends, and were here for you ANYTIME….NEVER forget that…love ya bunches…feel better soon please. And go ahead, have a good cry. I do that often, and somehow things seem better.
A good vent never hurt anyone, and that’s what we are all hear for. I can certainly understand why you are so frustrated. ugh ugh ugh Maybe the pregnancy is causing some of this out of whack back stuff to flare up?
Hang in there, chin up, do what needs to be done. I know you will, cause #1 you’re a woman, #2 your strong and determined, #3 you’re a mother. Women and mothers are always stronger and more determined and just have that nitch to dig in and do what needs to be done. Right?
*Sticking tongue out at you to make you grin* and giving you a comfort recipe to help you through:
Barley and Mushrooms with Beans
1 teaspoon olive oil
3 cups fresh sliced mushrooms
1 cup chopped onions
1/2 cup chopped celery
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup uncooked barley
3 cups vegetable broth
1 (15.5 ounce) can white beans, drained
Heat oil in medium saucepan and stir in mushrooms, onion, celery, and garlic. Saute until tender.
Mix barley and veggie broth into the saucepan. Bring to boil, cover, and reduce heat. Simer 45-50 minutes, until barley is tender.
Stir in white beans. Cook another 5 minutes.
SOUPS ON!!!!
Big Hugggggggggggggggggggs,
Shan
Hey, I think us woman should definitely talk about our Kegels… no kidding either. We would all be better for it. Now I am not sure what is up with the bladder, but I will share that I have had cystitis, re-occurring bladder infections, other feminine issues, sore flaring joints and all because in my experience, I was ingesting too much sugar and refined foods. Chemicals seemed to irritate me too.
I am not saying this is what is happening to you, but I changed my eating for this and this alone. In a way all my health problems likely saved me from weighing 300+ pounds like other people in my family. But the real point is, things are so much improved. Certainly they are not 100%, but I think I have to do more pilates and yoga and less high impact exercises.
I really hope that you feel better Debbie. *HUGS*
Go ahead and have a good cry. It sounds like you really deserve it. (I also give you permission to dig the chocolate chips out of the back of the cupboard…go ahead, I won’t tell). I don’t know what other advice to offer that hasn’t already been offered here. Just don’t push yourself and end up getting injured. Follow doctor’s orders and take it one day at a time. We will be here to take it a day at a time with you!
debbie-
sorry about your pain! i definitely think a good cry will help! i hope you (and your family) find some relief, and i hope you get the balance you’ve been trying to find!
I am soooo sooo sorry debbie. it is upsetting to see my cheerleader upset like that. I hope you feel better soon….
wow. What stres. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you are able to find something you can do on your own that will help you. hang in there it maybe stressful but have a little faith and things will get better.
take care of your mind and soul……it will heal the physcial………..
I agree with all the other posters. Hugs, prayers, crying…do what it takes to feel better. I am witnessing the same thing happen to my husband. So I feel for you. He has a lot of back issues right now and has done the PT, exercises and a lot of other things. Not a lot is working for him right now either. So, I’m his cheerleader and nag…which I’m sure he hates. Keep doing what you are doing and things will look brighter around the corner. Take care!
Now what in the world is wrong with my little preggers…you know I can’t have that! Do whatever it takes to get back to Debbie if it means crying…cry I’m not going to say snack on chocolate because you know we’ll eat the whole thing but how about a great BIG HUG from that buddy AUSTIN of mine…I know he made me smile when I felt down. I told you before buddy you have a right to your feelings and how you feel…don’t be too alarmed about the back they have a tendacy to flare up I had (noticed I said had two bulging disc) never had surgery or anything…so I will keep you in my prayers because I remember the days on flexirall the muscle relaxant. I stopped thinking about it and it just seem to have disappeared…I guess I kept on moving and groving…this too shall past although that pain can be very real. Swim do whatever to relive the stress….and no more shoveling snow ok? I do hope you feel much better because if your down you’re going to take me with you and I need to be up right now ok. So go get AUSTIN and give him the biggest hug you can for me and know that you will be in my prayers and everything will be alright. Try to take it easy Itold you sometimes you make me tired with all that you do…you do deserve a break sometimes and when we don’t our bodies have a way of making us relax. Now smile relax (I know that is hard for you) and smile and breathe…we;re here for you and everything will be alright!!!!
Debbie, a few months ago I had to stop walking and wore an orthopedic boot for two months. Since then I treasure every step I take… I still can move. I can’t run or jump anymore because I want to save my ankles from any additional pressure. And I have to be hypervigilant about my feet. Sure it sucks… however, not being able to walk at all sucked even more.
Debbie, you have done a lot of good things for your body before and you can do it again. It’s not fair you have pain and limitations. But you have an intelligent head on your stubborn shoulders and good people on your side, both professionals and us, buddies, supporting you. You can do it.
Take good care of yourself, OK?
Hugs,
Tatiana
I am really sorry, seems like you’ve gone through hell and back. Mary, she was a regular here, also had chronic pain…I am a migraine suferer so I know how rough it is to live with pain. I wish I had a magic potion to make it all go away.
I think you know, through personal experience that eating healthy and exercising has aliviated the pain somewhat, so as long as you continue to do that and like you said, NEVER GIVE UP, you may get better. You are so young and my heart hurts for you. I will pray for you my dear buddy!
Hang tough kid, hang tough!
Oh girl! I totally know where you’re coming from with the back problems!! That’s one reason I really have to lose weight (spinal deformity for me). It totally sucks to find yourself continuing to have problems and always having to work on them to stabalize them.
But focus on that. You’ve done it before, so you know you can do it again. You CAN make it better…isn’t that so much better than something you can’t change at all? Like being in pain for ever and having no way to fix it or allieviate it?
So…yeah, the maintence part really sucks…but you’re such a stronger person for doing…both mentally and physically….and that’s wonderful girl! You’ve made yourself such a great person by not giving up, not giving in, and working towards a better you…in so many ways!!
You are an inspiration!!