My little AHA for the day!
I had this little mini aha today at the gym and I’ve been trying to hold onto it lest i forget. My memory is not so good - 3 years of sleep deprivation. Anyway this is a food and people and me kind of blog. Some self revelation or something like that…
I’ve been pretty overcome with stress the last couple of days as it relates to people and friend stuff. Some here and some outside of here. It’s not so fun when people don’t play nice and act in ways I really find mean or hurtful. Then also my desire to help and my desire to mind my own business were conflicting. Anyway, I think my hero Lyssa fixed some of that and I’m grateful. So that’s not the aha, though, that’s more preface and probably part of why I wasn’t online much yesterday - that plus a busy day.
Onto the AHA - really it’s not that good, after all the waiting you’re probably hoping for the root of all my troubles to come spewing forth 
Today, I’m just glad that lunch isn’t spewing forth (preggo)! Again, i digress…
Okay, so this is it:
I went and hung out at a friend’s house yesterday morning for a play date/ visit whatever. Well, this is a friend that has been kind of hard to seal the friendship with - you know, where things go from see ya here and there versus we really want to see each other alot. This friend, though, has felt desirable to me - she’s a “cool” kid, someone I’d like to know better, an artist - all that. The last few times I’ve been “privileged” to have time with her (it some how started feeling like that even tho she calls me, too), I haven’t really liked her all that much. One time, she talked really badly about this other Mom who is her best friend. Then yesterday she was just so judgmental, again, about this woman’s kid. But these two are like best friends. It’s pretty icky and I’m just not digging it.
Now, how does all this relate to food. Well, this was the aha - I do the same thimg with food as I do with people. If I don’t like something I’m eating that I think I should like or have built it up to be great, I KEEP EATING IT hoping I will eventually like it better. I wonder, maybe I missed something because I should be liking this much more than I am. It’s the same thing with her - I try and try thinking she is better than she actually is.
I think it all relates, actaually, to valuing myself and valuing my true opinions. Believing in my experience and not being afraid to not like something (sorry, lot’s of nots in that one). I s this making sense?
Let’s see, I want to trust my own experiences and be secure enough in my own value that I don’t keep trying to hang out with someone that I actually really don’t like or, EVEN MORE IMPORTANT, someone who does something that is really against my value system - like this judgmental backstabbing, just because I think i should like her or i need friends or she’s cool or i am hoping it will be better. Just like I don’t want to keep eating that food from the Indian buffet thinking the second helping is suddenly going to be spiced better than the first! Where’s my self trust and value? Why don’t I take myself seriously and have the guts to stand up for what I believe in even if it’s just with food? Well, you know what it’s coming!!! Wahoo to that!
So, that’s the AHA! Pretty fascinating, isn’t it?
Anyhoo, that’s me for today! Sorry to have been missing lately - will try and check up on blogs soon!
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Love it and i know exactly what you mean! Me myself i am a peacemaker and hate all kinds of nonsense which is why I am pretty much by myself with the exception of a few friends. I wouldn’t try to like her if she is rude and nasty and says things about that mom and suppose to be her friend. God knows what she says behind your back.
If i don’t like someone i am not dealing with them period any way shape of form. Life is too short to deal with arrogant and ignorant people. Glad that you are okay. And i totally understand the anology with food. Actually kind of neat; with the excepton if i don’t like it; that’s it i’m not eating it anymore. My husband always said that’s what he hates about me there is no middle ground. My philosophy is this: i treat you the way you are suppose to be treated if you can’t respect me and treat me the same then there is no need for me to deal with you. I don’t disrespect anyone and want the same in return. So that’s i guess my downfall with me you get your chance but as Maya Angelou says: Believe people when they show you who they are the first time!!!! Take care of yourself my little preggers lol lol lol
oh i really like that quote - thanks sweetheart!
Oh this is so good, I need to learn to trust my judgement, too. Something I have been told before. Thanks for the reminder!
wow, that was a deep aha. But now that youhave realized it you can remember and prevent for doing it in the future. Hang in there.
Never compromise your values or your integrity. It’s okay to be around people like that, just don’t BECOME them. You may be able to even “help” her with gentle suggestions such as “I really like her and don’t feel quite comfortable when you talk about her like that.” or change the subject to something like “speaking of (her child) isn’t he/she the most adorable thing? Once she sees that you won’t participate in the judgemental conversation, she will most likely stop. Maybe stop calling you too, but that is okay, right?
Love you ZEN moment there Debbie. Always striving to improve upon your own self builds self-confidence and self-worth, and maybe… just maybe… that will rub off on others.
I have a cousin that is THE biggest drama queen I have even known. She talks about me behind my back. She talks about others behind theirs. She makes mountains out of mohills. She calls herself a Christian. I love her anyway. And the only way I can love her is because I know her and how she is and accept that. It’s the only way I can let go of it. I actually view it with a little sense of humor. If I didn’t, it would eat away at me and make me into someone I don’t want to be. It’s the only way I can be around her… by accepting her faults. God knows we all have some. Does that make any sense? An AA reading I once read and I can’t remember all of it, but the gist of it is… we cannot control people, places, or things… we can only control our own actions and work on our own selves…
Love and mucho hugggggggggs today. Thank you for your kind support and encouragement that you’ve given me the last few days. It’s meant the world to me.
Shan
Okay Debbie. Here it is. You. Are. Great.
Now, remember that and LISTEN to yourself!! I’m sorry things haven’t been going nice…if everyone were nice we’d sure have a nicer world eh?? If someone’s mean, you just pat them on their head, smile and send them on their way. You don’t NEED that. Especially not right now. Surround yourself with good! You give out SO much, it should totally be rebounding back to yoU!!! LOL!
And you know what you like and don’t. So listen to yourself!! We all do!! LOL!! You’re one smart cookie!!!
You are so nice and so good–you should not have to deal with backstabbing and partime friends!!!! I have some women like that in our neighborhood, so I know what you mean. Our kids all go to the same school so it’s not like I can avoid them altogether–so I just smile, nod my head a lot and then concentrate on the friends that I KNOW are there for me!!! So–good for you and your aha moment!!!! It’s amazing that at our age, we still have to deal with junior high behavior and it’s NOT from our kids! LOL~!
I love your blog today. I have had some of those same moments in my life. I am one of those people that keep giving others many chances and then wonder why the heck do I do this? It’s part of who we are. The important part is when we finally realize “what the heck??”. We are nice human beings, but we also don’t let people take too much from us. That’s funny with the food “aha”. I do that too sometimes. I think well, I think I like this or I should be liking this and keep eating it. Why? I give too many chances! I like who I am, but sometimes I wish I could be more assertive more quickly. Oh well…constantly working to better myself: mentally and physically. Thanks for the aha, now you’ve got us all thinking!
OMG I had no idea there was trouble in buddyslim paradise. That being said, I want you to tell me if I ever step on your toes…I hope I never have, but if I have please feel free to call me on it. I think you’re a pretty amazing person, so I don’t ever want to cause any drama or trauma for you!!
Ok….GIRL….WOMAN, you are preaching to the choir baby!! Here’s a couple of things I’ve found out….TRUST YOUR INSTICTS and cut the ties sooner rather than later…later makes things stickier. Secondly…it’s so easy to fall into the gossip trap. I am like you…I find people who talk badly about their close friends to others are not trustworthy….just think..if they do this to someone they love, what are they saying about YOU?
On the other hand…sometimes people just need to vent and maybe this was a venting session. Still…ONLY your heart knows what it’s desperately trying to tell you…so STOP, breathe and LISTEN to your heart because it will steer you in the right direction.
Oh my dear friend, how I can relate to this!