i need to write
i’m not sure even what to say, i just know this mood and these feelings i have been flirting with since yesterday and i need to write. if not, i WILL go and have af ew spoonfuls of peanut butter or finish off the chocolate granola I bought - nice, eh, i was hungry at the store and stopped with that dumb buy? at least i haven’t chowed that all down yet, the me of about 2 months ago would’ve polished that bad boy off on Monday when i got it. so that’s good.
But, yes, this mood that is dancing around me, not quite blue, not quite overwhelmed, just very tired and a little washed out feeling, a little blah. my self doubts are not raging but they are there. my confidence is not in the toilet but it is in the bathroom.
i dunno.
last night i was preparing myself for a binge. i wanted it so badly. i had a pissy late afternoon with my kid hitting me, being a 2 year old, and just one too many toys flying at me. then, i knew i needed to workout but couldn’t get myself to the gym. i did walk for an hour. a very long hour, but it was nice to be outside. the whole time i thought about my giant bowl of popcorn and the irony of eating that while watching the Biggest Loser. I came home all ready to do it. I was in the “i deserve this”/”i don’t care” mode. then something did switch, i laid down to watch and thought, i’ll wait a little while on the popcorn. i drank alot of water and then eventually, when my hubby got up to make a bowk of cereal i just had 2 big carrots. i couldn’t believe it.
tonight i may have the popcorn, but the big binge-y feeling is gone at least. writing is helping the icky mood too. i get so messed up in my head sometimes and the eating is my go to for ANY feeling. But now it’s the writing. Sorry to have so much to say all the time! I feel like Shann and that my head will explode if I don’t get it out. My head or my waist from eating it out! Thanks for being there for my needy self!
XML Feed
I felt like you did last night. After I came home from volleyball I kept eyeing the doritoes in the pantry. I didn’t want to ruin all the work I did exercising but the devil and angel in my head kept fighting. I told my husband and he suggested, why don’t we just go to bed and watch tv. It was 8:30. So up I went and watched tv for an hour. A whole floor away from the dreaded doritoes and I finally fell asleep!
Hey, good job on delaying the popcorn! I think the best thing we can do is come on here and vent. You can make it, girl!
Gosh I have those days. You did good though with resisting! I always have 100 calorie popcorn during Biggest Loser hahaha but it is only 2 WW points so possibly grab some mini bags and have those instead?
I need to write more either here or in a journal. You did great. I have been blue too. Well I guess we got it out and hopefully we are ready to continue to make better choices. For me, I have to not aim for perfection. You seem to have the level headedness down. I hope this is contagious… Ahhh someday….. Have a great one Debbie. *hugs*
You’re my hero. I would have never escaped from the downward spiral of a night binge. It’s funny how the day’s frustrations explode into out-of- control eating. But you didn’t give in. Way to go!!
Now I want popcorn. LOLOLOL
I just replied to Jennifer’s blog, and I feel like saying “ditto” to you.
Debbie, the fact that you DIDN’T binge and the fact that you came here and blogged it all out, is certainly progress, and I commend you highly for it. HIGH FIVERS girlfriend!
I can also very well relate to the “i don’t care/i deserve this” frame of mind. I think we all have a tendency to do that. The wonderful thing is, those feelings are short lived. If we just wait it out, hang in there, don’t give in to the instant gratification, then we WILL reap the great long term satisfaction. Does that make any sense? I don’t know, cause it’s late in my workday and I’m pretty well brain dead right now. LOL
Bottom line Debbie, however you are feeling right now, blah, etc. ………..
YOU DONE GOOD LADY!
Huggggggggggggs,
Shan
I wish we could all just re-wire our brains so food wasn’t the main focus of almost every waking hour. I wake up and start thinking about what to pack in my husband’s lunch, what I will have for breakfast, lunch & what I will fix for dinner. Do I need to go to the grocery store and get anything…..what I ate and what I didn’t eat…how much, how many calories, how much fat, fiber, sugar, salt. And on and on and on, how is there ever time for anything else? What would we do with all our time if we only had to take a pill a day for all our nutritional needs? Just imagine it! And no cravings, diets, fat pants, big shirts, or food related guilt…..of course no buddyslim, ww, jenny. Just imagine! lol
WOW Debbie–I am impressed!!! I know I would have totally gone for the peanut butter. Can you please send some of that willpower my way???? You should be extremely proud of yourself–I am really proud of you!!! Good job!
You’ve been in my head!!! Word for word! “I don’t care, I DESERVE this!!” LOL! Way to go for not giving in! For waiting a bit and seeing yourself past that binging stage!! VERY IMPRESSIVE!!!
You go girl!!!
Good for you for coming here and blogging Debbie instead of eating.
We all have those times when we just want to eat and eat the things we know we shouldn’t.
Good job drinking the water and eating carrots.
Wow thats impressive.
Getting through those tough times is what leads to our success.
Great job
Hang in there Debbie
Lori
I wonder what is going on with us these days…seems like a lot of us are in a funk…I wonder if we’re all doing it to eachother without meaning to…my cyber-osmosis! LOL!! Anyhow, you have to pat yourself on the back for not giving in to your old habits….and I’m sorry that your two year old is going through the terrible two’s. Hang in there lady! Hang in there! One last THING!! Don’t ever apologize for a blog…God knows we all learn from each other and the support we get and give is AMAZING!
The “poor overwhelmed victim” and “nobody cares about me and why should I care” used to lead me to royal binges.
Debbie, sweetie, you are hormonal… remember, the first trimester is very rocky because of the changes in your body… Are you getting enough sleep? Vitamins? Positive emotions?
Hopefully, you will stick with walking and will enjoy long walks. It’s like meditation and release of negative emotions. Have you noticed that you feel better after walking alone and processing things in your head?
Oh I can identify with those feelings. I didn’t even realize there was a new season of biggest loser, but I will look for it now. I used to hate it because they seemed to do so much exercise I was afraid if I did that much, I’d burn out..but hey if it triples the results, why not? I’m in the “well if i go for three walks today I won’t feel as bad if i skip walking tomorrow.” mentality now.