thrive

thanks to all for the support over the last few grumpy, complaining days. today was really nice as my son was okay and we subbed at preschool for another mom, so we got to have a better end to our time there. it is always nicer to leave feeling good about what you’ve put in versus like you left someone hanging. it will be a missed community but a wise decision to move on. now i just need to get some more childcare for after the new year! that will truly help - when i have the care, i go to the gym, really as easy as that…if only some fabulous, cheap sitter or family daycare would appear at the door. hoping for that magic again! it’s funny how things only change when i actually change them…not so good for the lazy and chicken part of me.

i’m trying really hard to be brief but i have so much to day, this has become my little journal, out here for everyone to see (ugh!). something about that, though, that i really noticed is about looking externally for fixes or even saviors versus staying inside. jennifer wrote something on her blog that was akin to that, i was going to quote it, but forgot…anyway, i, too was really paying attention to how when my focus or time starts to be caught up in outside activities (actual plans) or outside worries (what others are thinkng/feeling)  then i tend to get a little messed up in the head (and heart).  I can go into that place of looking at myself from everyone’s point of view but my own, or attending to everyone’s needs but my own, or being overconcerned about upsetting people. I like to be considerate and thoughtful, but this is more that that…

Then there is also just being over-scheduled or too busy b/c of plans to do this or that. I’ve complained alot about the sick at home time and not getting to the gym or having childcare, but it is also really nice to be at home. i found that then i did my stretches, drank my water, ate well, got creative, was productive, etc. On the go all the time doesn’t promote that as much. i am always looking for that balance between in and out. While too much isolation makes me loony, so does too much stimulation and external input. As always, this all effects my eating and exercising and sleeping and feeling.

happy to shift the attitude and looking forward to getting to the gym tonight!